Photography, Styling, Modelling by Rhea Gupte
This year, I decided at the very beginning, is going to be a year of execution. There is a lot that goes on in the mind and never comes down on paper, on a screen, on something tangible. To be shared. That, I feel is the biggest loss, to self, to the idea and to the practice of thinking and brainstorming. What is accomplished if the thought never went on to a different stage? Was never experienced, by yourself or anybody around you. I feel this loss at several occasions, due to lack of time and lack of planning. Thoughts remain just that. Contained within a singular vessel. Stagnating.
The word ‘stagnant’ has a specially dedicated dark place within me. A fear almost. A constant urge to stay as far away and as less relatable to it’s meaning as possible. Being the epitome of lack of growth and change, this negative word often serves as positive reinforcement, motivation and inspiration for me to keep going, to try different things and to turn those fleeting thoughts into real projects.
That is when self-doubt kicks in. Is this idea worth spending this much time on? Why is this idea so great? What is great about it? Do I think it’s good only because I thought of it? Self doubt is my best friend if I indulge it in small doses. It makes me analyse and answer my own questions and many a times keeps me from wasting my time on an idea, which, when pondered over often seems worthless. It urges me to speak about my ideas to my closest friends who approach it with a thought process entirely unknown to me, with a set of fresh eyes. Impartially.
When all of these initial emotions, doubts and complexities pass, I am left with only one feeling. The joy of creation. This is when I feel like a magical unicorn, pastel-maned and fluffy-winged of course, who can make anything happen. To create, is the best feeling I have come across so far, second only to love. The happiness derived from it is pure. It is in the work process, the editing, the problem-solving, the execution and completion.
Once completed, the thrill is over. Self doubt asks me whether I could have done this a million other ways and stagnation points out the similarities with some of my other work. I decide to take their feedback and run with it, pour all of it into the next project, the next thought, the next entry in my travel journal.